It was through serendipity that the four original members of the Widgets met late one fall night in 1997 outside a 24 hour convenience store. The previous day the NRA had visited the local high school they all attended as part of a nationwide campaign to raise youth awareness of Second Amendment rights. The tour bus has visited the school’s parking lot where firearms were freely distributed to students who were then encouraged to sign up for a junior NRA membership. Now armed with automatic weapons Dave, Becki, Nick and J. Peterman-Terwilliger (the original drummer, although he never actually performed with the band and couldn’t play a lick) had all independently decided to knock over the same 7-11. As luck would have it they, all four, arrived simultaneously in front of the shop, clad in their criminal regalia, ski masks, pantyhose and what-not. There was a brief argument over who would actually get to rob the store, but soon they realized they all attended the same school. Amused by the coincidence they decided to pull the job together.
But things went sour. The clerk had noticed the foursome, masked and carrying guns, loitering in front of his business and was ready for them when they entered. J. was quickly gunned down and the remaining three ran for their lives, not even pausing to return fire. That night all three renounced their lives of crime in favor of more productive pursuits.
The next day Dave, Becki and Nick went to a pawnshop downtown together to hock their guns. While there they bumped into another schoolmate, Dougy, who was pawning a large number of tee-shirts he claimed he “had no more use for.” All four spent some time looking around for something to buy with their in-store credit and were all instinctively drawn to the large number of used instruments. Pawn shops don’t really carry much besides guns, instruments and jewelry, you see. Each picked out something to play. Nick and Dave each picked out an electric guitar and amp. Beck had her eye on an upright bass, but the guys steered her towards an electric model held to be “bitchin’” by all. Doug, who had a natural predilection for banging on stuff, chose a drum set he said was, “tasty!”
Over the next several months the four spent most of their leisure time, time when they were supposed to be at school, hanging out together and learning to play their respective instruments. No one took lesson because Dave didn’t believe in them, but Becki went and checked out some books at the Salem Public Library to help in the self-teaching process. According to a librarian I spoke to those books are now four years overdue. It didn’t take long before they were playing simple versions of Mary had a Little Lamb, Hot Cross Buns and Camp Town Races, though they had to give up playing that last number when the ghost of Steven Foster began terrorizing the band on alternating weekends (I’m told for a deceased guy he really gets around).
It was, perhaps, an inevitability, but Dave, Nick, Becki and Doug eventually got around to officially declaring themselves a band. In the beginning they were a Burt Bacarack cover band; they went by the name Bacarack Attack. They caught the attention of an important record executive-type while playing a gig in David’s parent’s back yard (he was a neighbour). With his help they cut an unauthorized album of Burt Bacarack material which was only produced in an 8-track format and only released in the former U.S.S.R.. The next eight months was spent on tour in the former Soviet republics playing in dives to promoted the album.
During their last show in a karaoke bar in Uzbekistan their act was caught by a heavily inebriated Japanese businessman. He was so taken by the band that he bought their contract and took them all back to Nippon with him. He groomed the foursome to be a J-Pop sensation. For the next couple years they spent most of their time producing opening and closing themes for hit anime shows, including the wildly popular Super Crazy Robot Builder Fun-time Half-hour (translated from the Japanese). Curiously enough they kept the name Bacarack Attack throughout their career in Japan. In 2000 the band made a disastrous guest appearance on the Iron Chef during which they accidentally lit Chairman Kaga’s hair on fire in a failed attempt to liberate that night’s theme ingredient of live turtle. Having squandered most of their earnings on an exotic sushi obsession and just feeling burnt out, the band decided they’d might as well head back home to Oregon.
Back in Salem the band was renamed the Widgets and they began writing their own music. Once they were happy with the songs they went into a studio and recorded their first CD, Wannabe Renegades. To promote the album the band began playing some shows around town. Unfortunately it is very difficult for a band to find places to perform in Salem if they’re not mobbed up. Having previously sworn off criminal activity the Widgets refused to play ball with the local criminal syndicate (I hear it goes all the way up to Mayor Swaim!). The Widgets were able to find some brave business owners willing to risk the wrath of the local gangsters by letting the band play their venues. Not willing to stand idly by the band took up this cause and now wage a secret war against Salem’s criminal underground. By day Dave, Nick, Doug and Becki are mild-mannered young adults just trying to make a life for themselves in this topsy-turvy world, by night they are a relatively popular local rock quartet and by later that night they are vigilantes sworn to bring down organized crime. They don’t get much sleep.
And me? How do I know so much? Well, I’m their KGB contact. But that’s a story for another time.
The Widgets – Peppermint Patty
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